Waves
by DesperateRomantic
Summary: He's pulling her down into the waters. Dragging her against her will to the bottom. Down to the darkness where she can't escape. She can't speak. She can't breathe and she has lost all will to fight.
1. Waves

_**Them**_

 _"It's really you on my mind"_

\- _Chanel_ , Frank Ocean

Olivia Pope is drowning.

Her back arches as she tries to reach up to the surface. Her chest burns and her lungs forcefully expand as she chokes in air. She feels as if her body is drifting to and fro between the waters, but it isn't. His hands are on her hips, anchoring her to the bed. He moves in and out of her in long languid strokes. He is in no hurry to end this.

His lips are on her neck, nipping at her in a way that she knows will leave a mark, but she's so far gone she can't formulate the words to tell him to stop. She can feel his warm breath on her ear and he's singing along with the track that plays in the background. She hates silence, and even though her moans and screams fill out the space between his walls, she always request for him to play something. They've been doing this long enough that whenever she shows up at his door, the music is already playing.

"Hmm… Fiiiitzzzz," she drags out his name.

She pulls him closer to her, needing to feel his entire body on her, like the weight of him can ground her to this world. He reaches one hand up to pull her bottom lip from between her teeth. She's biting on it so hard he fears she'll break through the skin. With his thumb, he angles her face down to him and in the moment her lips part; he crashes his lips to hers. His tongue slides in and moans into her. She feels so good. They always feel so good together.

She is completely encompassed by him. Her senses ignited by all of him. He pulls away for a moment, resting on his knees while he brings his hands underneath her thighs. He grips her there, dragging her back to him, her knees up under his arms. He hisses in pleasure as he sinks deeper into her. Her eyes roll back at the sensation of him, body tensioning up at the pleasure. The burn in her lower abdomen starts to coil and he picks up his pace. He knows nothing about her but he knows everything about her body.

She's sinking. He's pulling her down into the waters. Dragging her against her will to the bottom. Down to the darkness where she can't escape. She can't speak. She can't breathe and she has lost all will to fight. So she lets go. The moment is indescribable. Words fail. But she knows she's never felt safer. It's why she keeps coming back, even when she makes up her mind to stop.

"Olivia," His voice breaks through, calling her back towards the light.

She opens her eyes and they stare into each other. Her hands press into the sides of his face and he brings their foreheads together. He's broken too. She doesn't know how but she can recognize the pain in his eyes.

They're a sight to behold. Moving in unison, joined so tightly they look like one. Hands are all over. Lips seeking to consume the other. Sheets and pillows askew around them. He can't hold back any longer. His body shakes and trembles from his orgasm. For a moment, he rests the weight of his entire body on her as she caresses his toned back. He feels the tears wetting his shoulder before he can open his eyes.

The first time she cried, it had completely freaked him out. Frantically, he jumped away from her, examining her body. He cursed himself for being too rough with her but she protested, trying to pull him back onto her. She was fine. She felt completely undone by the waves of her orgasm that still washed over her. She confessed that no other partner had brought her to completion before. These were happy tears. Those happy tears still sprung up from time to time.

He looks intently into her eyes, searching. There is so much he wants to know about her. She's a closed book; he's desperate to read. He kisses her eyes, tasting the salt from her tears on his lips. He wants to tell her, he really likes her. That lately he's been thinking he might love her but he doesn't. He knows she'll run. So he kisses her instead, trying to communicate all the things he's never said. All the things he's been keeping in since he first laid eyes on her.

"No," she groans as he slips out of her and steps out of the bed.

"I'm coming back." He teases and she sticks her tongue out at him.

Olivia's dozing off, when she feels a cool wet sensation making its way up her body. She looks down to find Fitz tracing the inside of her legs and thighs with a washcloth. She props up unto her elbows and watches him clean her up with so much care and devotion.

"Come here." She whispers.

She purses her lips waiting for him to crawl up her body. He kisses her as he rolls her onto him. She sits up on his hips, ignoring the way his hips flex up to meet her. He's always ready for another go. She doesn't have time today. It's already so late. He focuses on her perky breast in his face. Making his hips jump to see them bounce to his amusement.

"Stop." She giggles.

"Nope." He refuses to look at her because he knows what he'll see in her eyes.

"I have to go." She confesses.

"Liv, stay. What's one night?" He hates to beg. This is not who he is but he can't stop himself.

"You know I can't."

"You always say that." He groans in frustration.

"Because it's always true."

"Ugh." He huffs and falls back onto the bed, arms spread across it.

She's mad at herself for being like this but she really does have to go. "I always come back."

He doesn't respond.

"Fitz, please." Her voice breaks.

He's being a jerk. He's mad at her but he doesn't want to hurt her. He doesn't want to do anything that stops her from coming back.

"Tuesday?" This is his way of extending the olive branch.

She shakes her head no. "Working. Maybe Friday?"

He makes a face. His hands are on her thighs, drawing circles on them. He doesn't want to wait that long. He needs her back in his bed before then. She's an addiction he doesn't feel compelled to quit.

"I'll try before then."

He wants to tell her she could always come to his place after her shift. He would cook her dinner and she'd spent the night. But he's had enough rejection for one night.

She runs into the bathroom for a quick shower. She hates washing the smell of them off but she can't show up at home like that. When she gets out, he's still in bed, playing some game on his phone. She dresses in silence. She always has to ruin the mood.

"Walk me to the door." She request.

He puts the phone down and throws on a pair of boxers.

"Thank you." She reaches up to kiss him.

"Soon?" He questions feeling like a loser.

"Uh hmm." She agrees, lips still pressed up against his. "As soon as I can get away."

One more kiss and she's gone.


	2. Afterglow

**Her**

" _All this pain_

 _I wonder if I'll ever find my way_

 _I wonder if my life could really change at all"_

 _Beautiful Things_ , Grungor

Olivia replays their evening on her train ride home.

She tries to snap out of her stupor but she still feels the afterglow of their lovemaking all around her. She's sure she looks like an idiot, smiling. Thankfully, there are only a handful of people on the train tonight. Unconsciously, she traces her lips as she remembers the touch of Fitz's lips on her own. She pushes down the small voice inside of her begging her to return to him.

Two trains later, Olivia is across town, rushing through the dark streets because it's almost midnight. They got carried away tonight. His shirt had fallen over the bedside table covering the alarm clock. Only when it was knocked down to the ground, hours later, did she notice the time.

The sky was black, barely illuminated by the half moon. The weather was chilly, a typical spring night in New York. Without the warm rays of the sun, the sweeping winds left Olivia shivering. All the hairs on her arms raise and her teeth clatter at the change of weather.

She hurries through the streets, dodging people left and right. It didn't matter that it was close to midnight; her neighborhood always had people loitering in the streets. She takes the stairs two at a time as if it would help turn back the hands of time.

Marisol is sleeping on her couch when Olivia comes through the door. Quietly, she drops her keys and purse by the door. She slips out of her shoes hoping not to wake her up. She's almost to the door of her bedroom when the lights turn on.

"Hey, what time is it?" Marisol croaks. She was in a deep sleep and her eyes squint through the harsh light.

"A little past midnight. Go back to sleep, Mari. Sorry for waking you." She tries to slip into the bedroom before the questions start.

"How was work?"

"Crazy as always. Had a seven-year-old throw up all over my scrubs right before the end of my shift. Thankfully I had a change of clothes." The lies slip skillfully from her lips. She's not a stranger to deception.

"Sounds awful. Did you have dinner? I cooked something." Marisol limps her way into the kitchen, turning on the stovetop on her way to the refrigerator.

"You shouldn't have. The doctor said to stay off your foot as long as possible." Liv protest.

"Well, we were hungry and we hate take out."

"We?"

"Ok! _I_ hate takeout. I don't know who's touching and cooking my food. I don't trust restaurants."

Olivia rolls her eyes. "Fine. I'll be sure to make something before my shift tomorrow."

Marisol ignores her as she plates a bowl of chicken soup for Olivia. Liv slumps her shoulders, letting go of the doorknob. There is no fighting with that lady. She walks over to the island and sits before the bowl. She eats silently.

"The school called again." At her words, a knot forms in the pit of Liv's stomach. Those are never good calls. Every carefree and blissful feeling she walked in with leaves her.

"What did he do this time?"

"Woke up screaming from his nap. Scared all the other children. The teacher had to remove him from the room to calm everyone else down. Said it took them 30 minutes to snap him out of it."

Tears welled up in Olivia's eyes. She pushed the half-empty bowl away from her. Her appetite was suddenly gone. She covered her face with both hands. "This is all my fault."

"Hey!" Marisol snaps. "You don't get to be a victim anymore. Dr. Chiu said it would be a long process. Remember when he would scream whenever you were out of his sight? Last time it took them an hour to calm him. This is progress."

"My kid waking up screaming is not progress!"

"Olivia Carolyn, watch your mouth! Don't dare take out your frustration on me! I'm on your side! Don't forget that."

"I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help. I'm... I just want this all to be over."

Marisol makes her way to Olivia wrapping her arms around her. "Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." She whispers lovingly into her ear.

"Mari..." Olivia starts. She hates when she does this. Liv admires Marisol's faith but it's been a long time since she believed there was a God watching out for her.

"How long did I pray for your eyes to open? For you to return to me safely?"

"Far too long."

"I would've prayed an entire lifetime to see your face again."

"Thank you."

"I love you. Now get into bed before those terrors wake up."

Her bed is pressed up against the corner of the room, against the doublewide window. It's simple, nothing but an old wood frame cradling a full size bed. The walls are plain. She has no interest in decorating. She doesn't plan to stay here long. Against the opposite wall there's a closet filled with boxes she refuses to open but can't seem to throw away either. Across her bed is a crib, something used that Marisol got from the upstairs neighbors. Between the bed and crib, another twin frame.

Every time Liv stepped into the room she felt like she was suffocating. The furniture all pressed against the walls leaving only a small space in the middle of the room. She would sleep on the couch but Marisol would notice and she would worry. She worried enough.

She presses her back against the closed door and takes a deep breath. She can do this.

 **AN: All mistakes are my own. My Beta is away and I didn't want you all to wait too long. Chapter 3 is almost done and chapter 4 was written tonight on my commute home. Safe to say I am excited for you guys to read it. Thanks for all your reviews, favorites and follows. XOXO DR**


	3. Wicked Games

**Them**

 _"What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way..."_

 _Wicked Games_ , Chris Isaak

"I've... missed... you..." Olivia says between kisses.

They're on the couch. They barely made it to the living room. She'd jumped into Fitz's arms the instant he opened the door. Clothes, shoes and bag discharged in the hallway. He's always the one in charged, ready to serve at her pleasure. He's the one so anxious to touch and kiss and be inside of her. But tonight is different. Tonight, she's on fire, ravenous and desperate for him.

She's straddling him and he's trying to keep his hands off her. That was her command. She's rocking against his erection with a slow steady pace. It's been two weeks, far too long for them. She'd never stayed away that long before. Panic seized Fitz's at that though that she would never come back. He wants to ask if it was his fault. He'd promise never to do it again. He's a junkie.

She wants to make it last. Just be there with him. Freeze the feelings that he stirs up within her. Leave behind the heartache and pain. Stay here where she feels like she could love him, if that feeling was still possible for her.

Fitz's hands grip the couch cushions as her naked body grinds against him. She's wet, coaxing him with her desire. He wants to touch her. He needs to pick her up and slide her down onto him...

"Don't." She reads his mind.

Her arms are resting on his shoulder. His head thrown back, eyes closed. Her hands are playing with the ends of his hair, while her lips travel all over his face, over to his ears, down his neck. She's evil. Testing his resolve. He's so hard it's almost painful.

"Fitz," she breathes his name, reaching for his left hand. She brings it between them, down to where they meet.

"Olivia," he groans as she starts to move it over her clit. "Shit." He looks at their joined hands.

She shows him just what she wants, controlling their movement. It's not long before her breathing changes, her mouth falls open, eye shut. She's lost between riding his hand and the sensation of her impending orgasm but Fitz is there. Intently, focused on her pretty face as she comes all over him. He circles her clit a few times helping her ride out her orgasm until she's too sensitive and pulls away.

And he can't... he can't wait. He needs her. He positions himself against her opening. Taking his time to kiss her as he slides into her.

"Fuck… fuck. So good." He says against her mouth. He opens his eyes and looks at her. Her eyes are closed, body trembling. She's so beautiful. They remain still. Her walls tightening all around him making his eyes roll with pleasure.

His hands move to her waist, moving her up and down onto him. She lays her head on his shoulder, breathing him in. Sometimes, her insecurities get the best of her when they're together like this. He knows she needs a moment before she can let go and just feel. She turns her face to his neck, kissing her way up to his mouth. She brings her hands flat against his chest using them as leverage. She fucks him so good, moving just the way he likes it.

He sits back to watch her. His hands traveling up her body, stopping at her breast. His thumbs working over her harden nipples causing her to trip over her pace. He continues to palm one while taking one into his mouth. She's whimpering, begging for him. He's trying to focus on her, to abate his own orgasm as much as possible. His tongue moves from one breast to another, licking and nipping at her.

Her movements are becoming more reckless, pace quickening. Close, so close. He pulls her forward so she's almost completely on him and every time she moves he's brushing against her clit.

"Oh, Fitz. Please." She cries out. He grips her waist moving her over and over and over and over...

"Wait," she begs, taking him in a few more times. She's squeezing and contracting around him, moving her hands purposely over her clit. He doesn't remember who came first but their moans melt together into a symphony of lust and pleasure.

She doesn't want to stop. She's not ready to stop just yet. He slips out of her as she continues to kiss him.

"Liv,"

"Hmm." She takes his lower lip into her mouth sucking on it. Shit, she fucking loves the feeling of him.

"I need a minute."

"Oh." She stops.

They look at each other and smile. Her legs are trembling, barely holding herself up. Bodies glistening with sweat, their fluids slipping out of her, chest heaving in unison. They're a mess, and even though they don't say it they've never felt happier.

"I missed you." She says again.

"I missed you too."

"I want to do that again."

"I want to do that all the time."

"We have all night."

He eyes her bewildered.

"Don't give me that look."

"What happened to your rule?"

"It's not a rule." She rolls her eyes. "Sometimes I have to go." She replies hiding her eyes from him.

"You always have to go."

"I can go right now if you want." She point back towards the door.

He guffaws. "With the way you attacked me at the door I don't think you will."

"It's been a rough two weeks."

"Wanna talk about it?" He was in dangerous territory.

"No. I wanna fuck you again."

"How about we clean up, eat and then fuck?"

"Only if it's pizza and we try out that table of yours."

"Deal."

 **AN: Decided to bless you guys with another update. This was actually chapter four but I moved somethings around and well here we are. I've actually loved this song since the episode Ross and Rachel slept together on Friends. No joke played it on repeat while writing this. All mistakes are mine. Beta is still away. Hope you enjoyed! XOXO DR**


	4. Earlier

**Her**

" _But I'm holding on for dear life_

 _Won't look down, won't open my eyes"_

 _Chandelier_ , Sia

 **Now**

"...and onions. No wait! No onions." Olivia whispers. Her lips are caressing Fitz's right ear, sending shivers down his spine. The simple act drives him wild. "Ask if they have hot sauce," she adds.

He's also incredibly annoyed with her. She's changed her order three times since he's been on the phone.

She's sitting on the kitchen peninsula, her legs on either side of him and her arms over his shoulders. She's showered with his soap, and she's in one of his t-shirts, no panties. She smells like him and he's tempted to hang up with the irritated teenager and have her for dinner.

He turns to face her, letting her arms slip down. "Olivia, this kid is going to spit in our food if we don't make up our minds." Fitz's tone is low and serious.

She purses her lips at his attitude. "Green peppers, black olives and mushrooms on thin crust."

"Thank you." He repeats the order to the kid and apologizes for the delay before hanging up.

"You're mean." She pokes his chest with one finger.

"And you're too indecisive," he states, placing a hand on her bare thigh.

She looks down at the placement of his hand and narrows her eyes up at him. "Not enough time."

"Sure," he asks as his other hand mirrors the position of the first. One quick move and he'd have her spread wide.

"Positive." She pushes his hand away laughing at his hurt expression.

Liv's attention goes to her phone that's charging besides her. She picks it up to shoot Marisol a quick text. _Hey, I'm on break. How are the kids? I left money on the table for dinner._

Fitz sits besides her on one of the bar stools, phone still in hand. He watches her type out the message and thinks of asking her if she's on social media, but doesn't. She's going to spend the night. He doesn't want to ruin the mood.

Olivia syncs her phone to his Bluetooth speakers. She plays music and her body starts to sway, lyrics softly slipping out of her lips. She seems so happy. So light. She's in rare form tonight.

The track changes and she exclaims, "Shit! This is my song." Her hands go above her head, waist moving in a motion so familiar to Fitz. "If we were in a club, I'd be grinding all over you." Fitz perks up at the mental image. "Hey, we should go to a club!"

Fitz stares at her in disbelief. They'd never left the apartment. At the beginning on their relationship he had tried to ask her out to dinner and she had turned him down, several times. She'd made it clear that she was only interested in sex. Nothing more.

Before Fitz could reply, the doorbell rings.

Fitz lets the deliveryman into the building; Liv waits for him in the kitchen as he retrieves his wallet from the bedroom and pays. A few seconds later, he returns with two boxes of pizzas. He sets the boxes before her.

"What do you want to drink? I got beer and water."

She scrunches up her face, thinking for a second, "what kinda beer?"

"None of that fancy shit you like."

"Water it is."

She's almost done with her first slice when he hands her a bottle. They eat in silence.

"I might need a nap after this," Fitz comments after his third slice.

Olivia shrugs, "we have all night."

"Why do we have all night?"

"Fitz," she warns.

"Just curious. Since it's not a rule that you have to leave."

She thinks. She tries to find a way of sharing without revealing too much. "I was scheduled to work tonight but I called out. Decided that I wanted to see you."

"Oh." He tries to hide his smile.

"Stop."

"What?"

"You're gloating like you won some prize. I am not a prize at the state fair. You can't win me. I could have easily gone home."

"But you didn't, you came to see me."

She rolls her eyes. "Don't be a dick."

"I'm not. I have a right to feel excited. You like me," she scoffs, and opens her mouth to protest but suddenly he's so close.

There's hardly an inch between them and he confesses, "I like you, too."

 **Then**

"So tell me what's going on with you?" This is how their sessions always start. Olivia sits on the black leather couch looking out at the New York skyline. She loved this city. It was fast and gritty; it'd chew you up and spit you out but this was home. She cursed the day she decided to leave.

It always takes Olivia some time to open up. If the walls in this office could talk they'd say that this woman was holding on by a thread. They'd wonder how she could stand when it seemed the entire world was on her shoulders.

Dr. Katie Jones, her court appointed therapist was understanding and patient. Always siting in calm silence until Olivia was ready to share. Dr. Jones was well aware how closed off Olivia lived her life. One of her biggest breakthroughs was allowing her façade to slip within those four walls.

It was during their third session. The past two meetings had been filled with clipped answers and silence. That day had been different. It was an anniversary -of what Olivia wouldn't say- but once she sat down, the tears started following. Dr. Jones handed her a box of tissues and gave her time to let it all out. Olivia needed more than a few minutes. A lifetime wouldn't be enough time for her to cry out all the hurt and pain she held inside. She tried to fold Olivia into a conversation but her responses were incomprehensible. In the end, Dr. Jones just sat there allowing Olivia the safe space she needed.

Stressful. That's how Olivia described the recent days. Between her son's breakdown at school and the baby getting sick, she was running low on sleep and even further down on patient. She needed a vacation.

"It's reasonable to feel that way. You've been through so much. When was the last time you've been away since you returned?"

Olivia shakes her head. "I've been going nonstop. I've been so focused on saving up for the down payment that I take any opportunity to work extra shifts."

"Take a break. Take the kids to the beach," Dr. Jones suggests.

"I need a break from everything." Marisol and the kids included.

"Ok. What about Fitz?" Dr. Jones watches Liv stiffen at the mention of his name.

"We're not... It's not like that." She crosses her arms over her chest.

"It could be."

"I don't want it to be. The situation with Fitz is far more complicated than I ever intended it to be."

"How so?" She cocks her head and listens intently.

"When I'm with him, I can't think straight. I'm putty in his hands. He can do whatever he wants to me without protest. And I can't stand it! The complete feeling of surrender to my desire for him."

Dr. Jones folds her hands in her lap. "And you don't think he feels the same way?"

"No."

"You don't think he is as affected by you as you are by him?"

"I think he likes the fact that a woman shows up at his door to have incredible sex with him."

"So he's never shown an interest in you outside of sex?"

Olivia thinks for a moment. "I guess. He asked me out a few months ago."

"And?"

"I said no."

"Because?"

Olivia sighs. "I'm not interest in a relationship. He serves a specific purpose in my life. Sex is all I want from Fitz."

"Hmm, my guess is he hasn't met the children."

Oliviawrithes, uncomfortable at the statement. "No. He doesn't know about them and I don't plan on telling him." Her voice is tight. "Those two parts of my life can never come together."

Dr. Jones takes a note at her composure. "Why does that frighten you?"

Olivia draws in a deep breath. "Last time…I got hurt. My children got hurt. I promised myself it would never happen again. I already made a mistake by getting involved with Fitz in the first place."

"Olivia, we cannot control who we fall in love with."

Her entire demeanor changes in an instant. Her back straightens and she crosses one leg over the other. Her feet jerk in annoyance. Dr. Jones has hit a land mine. She smiles inwardly because she knows she's onto something.

"I don't love him."

"I would say otherwise. You're practically jumping out of your skin like an addict."

"I told you I'm tired."

She ignores her and presses on. "Does he have a girlfriend?"

"No," Liv replies too quickly.

"Does he date?"

"I don't know. We don't really talk about our personal lives." She turns her face away. She searches for the clock, wondering when will their appointment be over.

"So you don't know if you two are exclusive?"

"It's not... We're not. We're just sleeping together, ok." She huffs and now her chest rises and falls with rapid breaths.

"What will happen when he wants to date? Or when he wants more from you?"

Olivia can't answer either question. She wants him. No matter how much she tries to deny it. She wants to own all of him but she can't give herself to him. He'd destroy her.

"Has it crossed your mind that a man in his late twenties will eventually want a serious relationship, marriage, maybe even children? What will you do then?"

Liv opens her mouth to reply. The words fail her.

"You build these walls around you, isolating yourself from everyone around you but you expect this man to lay bare at your feet. It's all in your eyes, Olivia. MINE! Like he's some property you can hide away and bring out when you feel like it."

Liv wants to argue but she can't.

When she leaves the office, her body aches all over with need. _Things won't change. He's never complained_... her mind flashes back to his expression last time she left. The utter look of disappointment he wore as he watched her walk out his door. Dr. Jones' words ring in her mind and her heart beats a little faster at the idea of losing Fitz.

Even if she refuses to admit it to anyone, she needs him. Maybe she was an addict but she has self-control. She could be like those functioning alcoholics. Yeah, she thinks to herself. She could have her cake and eat it too.

She checks her watch for the time and realizes she has a few hours until she has to be at work but her mind trails off to Fitz. Does he date? Does he want to date? Olivia scans her memory for any mention of other women. He did mention someone he kissed at New Years while he was drunk, a coworker. Olivia wasn't interested at the time but now? Now she feels like learning everything about that kiss. She wanted to find that woman... and what?

Fitz wasn't hers.

Olivia felt like fire flooded her veins at the thought. He might not be hers but she didn't want him to be anyone else's.

 **Now**

Fitz kisses her like his life depends on it. Slow at first, then feverish. His lips overpowering her and taking her breath with it. She's the first to pull away. Overwhelmed by his display of emotion. She watches his face for a moment.

 _Does he look happy? He could live like this, right?_

He cuts off her thoughts with another kiss. His lips move down onto her neck, hands gripping her legs to pull her towards him. She hums as he works his way down to her collarbone suck and licking her like she's dessert.

"What do you want Olivia?" He asks without realizing the depth of his question.

One leg goes over his shoulder and he's kissing his way up her inner thigh. She has to lean back onto her forearms. She watches him through hooded eyes.

This.

She wants this.

All the time.

She wants to show up at his door and escape her cruel reality. She wants to lie to herself. That women like her can have men like Fitz.

 **AN: Hi. It's been way too long I know. Hope you've enjoyed this update. The events in this chapter explain Olivia's behavior in chapter three so go back and reread. I know there is a lot of mystery behind Olivia's personal life but stick with me, in due time all things will be revealed. Beta is back! And yes the psychologist is named is Katie. She's named after an amazing person and I chose to honor her with this character. Till next time. XOXO DR**


	5. Young Girls

**Him**

 _"All these roads steer me wrong_

 _But I still drive them all night long, all night long"_

 _Young_ _Girls_ , Bruno Mars

"That bitch is married."

Fitz stares flabbergasted at his friend's comment. "She's not," he defends.

"She shows up at your apartment on random nights to have sex with you. You two never go out on dates, never speak on the phone, the obvious conclusion is that the bitch is married!" Harrison Wright, Fitz's coworker and best friend, exclaims.

Several people turn around in curiosity. Harrison is always causing a show in the teacher's lounge, so people don't pay him much attention and return to their lunch.

"Shut up! I shouldn't have told you shit. I forget you lack maturity."

"Man, I'm just trying to help you before some dude shows up at your apartment with a glock in hand. You need to let that chick go." Harrison points his fork at Fitz, before stabbing his potatoes with it.

Fitz blanks at the idea of never seeing Olivia again. His blood runs cold. His mouth goes dry. He wants to scream.

At his silence, Harrison looks up. He cocks his head, examining him for a second. "Oh shit. Are you in love with her?"

"No. It's not like that. I like her. She's fun to be around." Fitz tries to play it off, not because he's ashamed of his relationship or lack-there-of with Olivia, but because he is terrified at the intensity of the emotions he feels for her.

Harrison shakes his head in shame. "Pussy got you fucked up."

"You're not helping," Fitz growls.

"Ok. Seriously. _Are_ you in love with this woman? What's her name?"

"Olivia Pope."

"Who's Olivia Pope?" Stephen Finch joins the pair. He drops his bag on the floor next to Fitz and sits besides him.

"Fitz's girlfriend."

"Girlfriend? This is news. I thought you were like a born-again virgin." Stephen states, so matter-of-factly that Harrison starts choking on his food. He's hollering and now the entire teacher's lounge is staring at the group.

If looks could kill the pair would be dead twice over by the way Fitz is shooting daggers at them. "She is not… I'm not… Olivia is a friend."

"She's not really his friend," Harrison tells Stephen.

"Oh she's a booty call. Got it." Stephen gives him a wink.

"A married booty call."

"Oh," Stephen eyes Fitz with pride.

At this moment, Fitz hates his friends. "She's not married. I've asked."

Harrison and Stephen give each other a look of disbelief.

"Have you tried searching for her on Facebook? Oh man," Harrison pulls out his phone. "I bet her profile picture is of her and the hubby."

"I'm putting twenty down that the dog is in it too."

"I've looked." After their last hookup curiosity got the best of Fitz and he laid in bed searching. He found nothing. "She's not on Facebook."

"Twitter? Instagram?"

Fitz shakes his head no.

"Linkedin?"

"Nothing."

"Maybe Olivia Pope isn't her name after all."

"It is. I met her at her job."

"Really? I've never heard this story."

"Because all you're concerned about is if she gives good head."

"Hmm," Harrison huffs offended. "It's a question you've yet to answer."

Fitz turns to address Stephen. "Remember the charity baseball game against the teachers at St. Katherine's?"

"Shit, the one where that kid hit you with the bat?"

"Yes. Principal Vega forced me to go to the emergency room. Practically drove me there himself. I met Olivia at the hospital. She was my nurse."

"Fitz, that was more than a year ago! You've been fucking a married chick this entire time?"

"She's not married!" Fitz practically barks.

"How the fuck do you know?"

"Wait," Stephen interjects. "What do you know about her?"

"Her name is Olivia Pope. She's a nurse at Beth Israel, and she lives in Harlem."

"Wait I'm lost. How did she go from being your nurse to your fuck buddy?"

 _His eyes follow her all around the room. She is a bolt of lighting moving with precision and grace while asking him a hundred and one questions about his injuries. She's beautiful. Her dark brown curls are lazily pulled back in to a ponytail; a few tendrils have slipped out during her shift, and are now framing her face. Her make-up is light, lips lined with cherry lip balm giving them a soft red tint. Body drowned in hunter green scrubs, aqua blue stethoscope draped around her neck._

 _She smells like cake. He tells her too. Like an idiot he lets the words slip from his lips before he could stop them. She laughs. Normally, she works in the pediatric emergency room but tonight she's doing overtime, but the kids seems to like it. Makes them relax in her presence. It makes him want to lick her all over. He bites his lips to abate the urges that_ _spring_ _within him. He made up his mind that he wouldn't leave tonight without her number._

 _But she says no. She doesn't give out her number at work. It's not very professional, she states. He doesn't pressure her. He's not that kind of guy. Shortly, after he is discharged. She's across the hall setting up an IV, so he doesn't get to say good-bye. He is disappointed and he wears it across his face all the way home._

Stephen kicks Fitz's foot under the table, signaling with his eyes to Mellie. Fitz groans. He didn't have the patience to deal with her today.

"Fitzgerald." Her smile is too wide, fake as her personality. Harrison rolls his eyes at the sound of her voice. He keeps his head down because as he says, he doesn't fuck with crazy white women.

Mellie angles her body so she's only facing Fitz. Stephen gives her the finger behind her back. "I just wanted to remind you there's still time to sign up to chaperon the spring fling."

"Thanks for letting me know, if I'm available I'll be sure to sign up." He returns her smile, with a straight expression.

She walks away trying to swing her hips seductively but Fitz isn't paying attention.

"Fitzgerald has two chicks on his dick. I never though the day would come." Harrison wipes fake tears away, mockingly.

"Mellie needs to stop that shit. It's embarrassing."

"You need to stop leading her on," Stephen lectures.

Fitz's eyes widen with confusion. "How the fuck am I leading her?"

"By avoiding the conversation that should've happened after your kiss."

"We were drunk, it was New Years Eve!"

"And it's been four months since she's been trying to find her way into your pants."

"She's out here ready to suck your dick at a middle school dance," Harrison adds.

"This shit is going to back fire on you mark my words. She has crazy written all over her."

Fitz replays the conversation all the way home. Truth be told, he enjoyed Mellie's fawning. Mellie was easy to figure out. She wanted him. No games. No guessing. He could ask her out on a date knowing she would say yes. Bring her back to his place, fuck her and she'd spend the night, no questions asked. He wouldn't have to beg. There wasn't more to Mellie than what meets the eye: a middle school English teacher in her mid-thirties with two cats. No secrets. No mysteries.

But their kiss was as boring and dry as her personality. Her presence didn't make his heart gallop with joy. Her touch didn't leave him hard and wanting. Yes, she was easy but she wasn't Olivia. His desire for Olivia was insatiable, and he wondered if he could put up with a lifetime of late night hookups if that was all she could offer him.

 **AN: Thanks for your continues support. I really appreciate every review, follow and favorite. Now to the guest reviewer that feels frustrated with the pace of the story... I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm not going to change the plans that I have for this fic. This is my story to tell and I'll tell it the way I want to. I understand if you no longer want to read. I won't be offended. XOXO DR**


	6. Reasons

**Her**

" _Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare_

 _It's like that I've stopped breathing, but completely aware."_

 _Million Reasons_ , Lady Gaga

 **Now**

Water cascades down the sides of the tub to the sway of Olivia's movements. Fitz's hands are on her waist settling her erratic pace. Her arms are around his neck, hands in his curls. Their foreheads pressed together. Her eyes are closed but Fitz is watching her; he's studying every twist and turn her face makes. She's so lost in the feel of their bodies; she doesn't realize she's chanting his name.

 **Then**

Before the music played, and their clothes left trails down the hall, and they started making love; Olivia use to ride the trains to avoid going home. On nights when she did want to be herself, she sat amongst tired commuters on their way to and from home. Sometimes, she'd ride from borough to borough, from the start of the line to the end, people watching. Other times reading a book trying to look normal, but she didn't feel normal. She felt empty, a bottomless void, detached from everyone around her. Isolated in her trauma. Plastering fake smiles around Marisol and her coworkers, barely able to connect with her children.

Tonight was different; Olivia didn't want to be numb. No, she desired the feel of rough hands caressing her body, warm lips on hers. She wanted ecstasy, satisfaction, and a fucking orgasm! She'd been through enough shit and she thought that was the least the universe owed her. Before she could change her mind, she jumped up out of her seat and exited the train. With newfound determination, she pushed through the people on the crowded platform towards the exit. Outside, she walked into the first bar she found.

Two shots of tequila to calm her nerves and with a deep breath, she turned to find a victim. Olivia didn't know that walking into the bar on 12th street would change her life. Despite all her medical knowledge, she didn't know rophypnol tasted salty and bitter when added to a drink. Luke, the charming banker she had been talking to for the past hour, had slipped the drug into her drink before he had approached her.

As the drug took its effect she felt as if the world slowed down and the room started to spin. The music sounded like gibberish and her body felt so heavy. Luke observed her with satisfaction. His inviting smile now looked evil and Liv wanted to run away but she had lost control of her faculties. It seemed she had now become the prey.

"Livvie?" A familiar voice approached her from the left.

Twenty-nine-year-old male with a contusion to the temporal lobe flashed into her mind. She remembered him from a few weeks ago. She had been covering Abby's evening shift when he was brought in. He was the sweet guy who told her she smelled like pastries and asked for her number. Maybe he was here to save her.

She forced her mouth to contort into a smile and replied, "Hey."

Aggravated, Luke faced Fitz, while draping his arm possessively around Olivia. "Can we help you?"

Fitz disregarded him and directed his words to Olivia. "Sorry to keep you waiting." He smiled. "Are you ready? Our reservations are for 9:30."

What? Olivia thought. Then it clicked. He was there to save her. He was trying to get her away from this bastard.

"I don't know who the hell you are but she's with me." His arm gripped Olivia too tight for Fitz's liking.

He took a step into Luke's face. "I'm the guy that's gonna kick your ass if you don't take your hands off my friend."

"Listen, buddy, I bought your friend two drinks…" Luke stammered.

"And what? You own her now? She has to sleep with you because you spent twenty bucks on her?"

"No but…"

"Olivia, let's get your coat and get out of her before I kick this fucker's ass." He reached out and took her hand in his.

In that moment, Olivia couldn't be more grateful for Fitz's presence. One for getting her away from Luke and two because she didn't think she could walk in a straight line if she wasn't holding onto him. Together they walked out of the bar without another look back.

He took her down the street and around the corner before Fitz stopped under the warm heat lamps of a hotel. Outside in the fresh air, Olivia felt better but not by much.

"Are you okay? Sorry, I saw he was getting handsy and I thought you needed to be saved."

Liv shook her head unable to reply. She leaned against the brick façade of the building. She needed everything to stop spinning. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she felt another wave of nausea hit her.

Fitz cocked his head taking a good look at her in the streetlight and noticed for the first time how disoriented and weak she appeared. He'd seen girls like this when they'd been drugged.

"Olivia, look at me." He pressed his hands against her forehead and cheek. "Shit. I think he slipped something into your drink. That motherfucker! I'm gonna fuck him up," he barked. He turned to leave in the direction of the bar. Liv's faint tug at his sleeve stopped him.

"I'm… I'm going to be sick," she slurred.

"I hate to let that asshole go but I know the bartender. I'll text him once I get you home." He pulled out his phone. "I'll get us an Uber, what's your address?"

Eyes still closed, Liv turned her head slightly side to side. Marisol couldn't see her like this. "Your place."

He was apprehensive. She understood. She was a stranger. "No, I shouldn't."

Another no. "Trust you. Please," she pleaded, tears spilling down her cheek.

Fitz sighed. "Ok. I live up in Riverdale. Is there anyone I can call to let them know you are ok?"

"No," she croaked.

"OK. Shit, I'm glad I showed up when I did."

Back at his place, Fitz changed Olivia into one of his t-shirts, keeping his eyes away from the swells of her breast and her long lean legs. He made her take two ibuprofen and a bottle of water before tucking her into bed. He grabbed a pillow and blanket to make himself comfortable on the couch. He left his bedroom door ajar in case she called out to him in the middle of the night. That night he barely slept, waking up twice to help Olivia to the bathroom and hold her hair back, while she vomited. It was a long night for Fitz.

* * *

Olivia's head was pounding when she woke up the following morning. Her body hurt as she stretched her limbs, and her mouth was dry and sour. She opened her eyes, and the sun that filtered through the curtains burned them as they adjusted to the light. The more she came to, the more she realized how horrible she felt. She propped herself up and looked around the bedroom. This was not her bedroom. Her heart started to pound as she wondered what the hell had she gotten herself into.

At that moment, Fitz chose to walk in. She screamed at the sight of the strange man, fear bubbling up in the pit of her stomach. Fitz was startled; the cup of peppermint tea he had prepared for her, slipping through his hands.

"Who are you? What am I doing here? Why can't I remember what happened last night?"

Fitz held his hand up defensively. "I'm Fitz. We met at the hospital a few weeks ago, remember? Last night you were a Cooper's bar with some guy. I'm pretty sure, he slipped something into your drink. I got you away from him and offered to take you home. You said to bring you back to my place."

Olivia stared at him. She didn't know if she should believe him or not. She looked around the bedroom and spotted clothes folded neatly on the dresser, her purse, and phone beside it. She looked down at herself, realizing for the first time she was wearing an oversized t-shirt.

"You were pretty out of it," his voice trailed off as he followed her eyes to her clothes. "I didn't want you to vomit on them," he explained.

"Thanks," she responded awkwardly. "Where's your bathroom?"

He pointed to the door on the other side of the room. "I'll give you some privacy."

As soon as he stepped out of the room, Olivia leaped out of the bed, locking the bedroom door behind him. In the bathroom, she stood before the mirror naked; she examined her body for bruises or scratches. She found nothing but the bitter taste of bile in her mouth and the dull ache of a headache. The evidence pointed to Fitz's story being true. For once, Olivia felt luck was on her side.

From the corner of her eyes, she noticed the screen of her phone illuminating. It was her calendar reminding her she was scheduled to be at work in an hour. Quickly, she splashed some water on her face, used her finger to brush some toothpaste on her teeth before throwing on the blouse and jeans from last night.

Fitz was in the living room watching the traffic report when she walked out of his bedroom. He stood from his place on the couch at the sight of her.

"Um, do you want some breakfast? I can whip something up in a few minutes." He pointed back to the small kitchen.

"No. I have to go. I have work in a bit. Where are we?" Liv walked to the closest window, looking for any distinguishable landmarks.

"Riverdale."

"Shit. I need to go." She rushed towards the door, coat in hand. "Thank you," she yelled as she opened his front door.

"Wait." He caught up with her at the elevator. She jammed the button of the elevator as if it would make it come any faster. Fitz held out a piece of paper in front of her. "Here's my number."

She stared at the paper before looking up at him in confusion.

"In case you want to report what happened last night, I'll corroborate your story."

She shook her head. "I don't think that'll be necessary."

She stepped into the elevator but Fitz held the door open. "Please. In case you change your mind."

She sighed. "Fine."

"Ok. Be safe." He let go of the door.

This time it's her hand that held the door open. "Fitz?

"Yes."

"Thank you."

 **An: It's been far too long. Life has been life. Thanks for sticking around. I'm not abandoning this story I promise. Next update is already done and on its way to my editor. Thanks for reading.**


	7. Spring

**Them**

" _I know I don't know you_ _  
_ _But I want you so bad_ _"_

 _Secrets_ , Maroon 5

 **Now**

In a sleepy haze, Fitz wakes at the feeling of cold air rushing underneath the covers. He squints his eyes through the darkness to see Olivia slipping back into bed.

"I thought you went home," he says, voice full of sleep.

"No," she answers. "I had to use the bathroom and got caught up checking my phone."

"Oh," he replies, dumbly.

He lies down again as if nothing happened. As if it's normal for Olivia to spend the night because if he was honest himself, even though she's spent several nights with him in the past three months, he always expects her to leave.

Liv scoots over to his side of the bed, she presses herself as close as humanly possible to Fitz. Any closer and she'd be lying on top of him. He cracks an eye open and her face is barely an inch away from his.

"You comfortable," he asks.

Half her face is covered and it looks so serene at the moment. "Uh-hmm," She nods her head, smiling when he pecks a kiss on her nose, before turning onto his back.

It's uncharacteristically chilly for a spring night; a cold front has hit the city leaving everyone reaching back into their closets for sweaters and coats. The curtains are drawn tightly in an effort to keep the cold that seeps through the window to a minimum. In the corner of the room, the old school radiator clinks and clanks, as the heat turns on. The couple is cocooned under Fitz's winter comforter. Liv's leg hitches over his hip and her forehead leans forward against his bicep.

It's become so much more than sex for Fitz. He loves her, although he's too terrified to admit it.

He knows things about her now and every new discovery imprints into his memory. Like she never comes to bed without showering, no matter how late it is. She slips into his bathroom to scrub the day away and she always leaves the bathroom floor wet because she prefers to air dry; which Fitz doesn't mind when he gets to watch her rub coconut oil all over her naked body. Or how she comes to bed in a tee, pajama pants and a pair of socks but as the night draws on she strips them off one by one until she's in nothing but underwear. Or how she wakes up every night to pee and hits her knee on the dresser if she's had too much to drink.

Sometimes, she has bad dreams. Her cries and whimpers wake him up. He holds her, kissing her and whispering comforting words until she settles down. She always hides her eyes from him when she wakes up in tears. He stopped asking what was wrong because she never tells him. _Bad memories_ , she always responds.

She is the last one to fall asleep but the first to wake up. She's insatiable at dawn. Waking him up in the best ways. Saying all the nasty things she wants to do to him. Sending him off to work in the best mood. But none of those things matter in comparison to the fact that she cannot sleep without touching him. Like tonight, she presses her forehead against him; throws her legs over his hip or between his legs. She intertwines their fingers together or brings his arm to rest over her waist. _Don't be a dick_ , she replies whenever he asks if he can have his arm back.

She owns him.

"Today's the 17th," she murmurs. "It's been a year." She continues when he doesn't react.

He turns to his side to kiss her. "Happy Fuckaversary."

She giggles, and even though he can barely make out her face in the dark, he knows her eyes are gleaming.

"You're still not sick of me?"

He tugs her to him. "Nope."

"Good." She nods and closes her eyes.

 **Then**

It was a Tuesday night when Olivia found herself back at Fitz's door. She had fought herself the entire train ride to his apartment. She has no idea what she was doing. Maybe she had finally lost her mind. She raised her fist to knock but stopped before it made contact with the door. What was wrong with her? Why was she really here? The last thing Fitz needed was Olivia to bring her drama and misfortune into his life.

Deciding it was best to cut her losses, she turned to leave. Her foot tapped impatiently as the elevator climbed up to the 10th floor. She crashed into Fitz as she went to step onto the elevator at the same time as he exited.

"Sorry," he gripped her arms to steady her, before looking up. Confusion washed over his face, his forehead furrows and eyebrows draw together. "Olivia?"

"Hi," she replied timidly.

"Hi. Were you looking for me?"

"Umm," she stalled not knowing how to answer.

From within the elevator, an annoyed cough brought their attention to the fact they were blocking the doors.

Fitz turned back to the older lady in the elevator, "sorry, Mrs. Robinson."

They stepped into the hallway and remained silent until the doors closed.

"I shouldn't be here." Liv turned her face away from him.

"Why _are_ you here?"

"I don't know. I was headed downtown to have a few drinks after work but I couldn't do it. I didn't feel safe."

Fitz stared at her unsure of how to react. They were after all strangers.

"Thank you for stepping in and taking care of me. I think I thanked you but it doesn't hurt to say it again…"

"Olivia."

"You made me feel safe," she confessed in a rush of words.

"What?"

"I haven't felt safe in a long time…" She paused, breathing deeply. "I needed a place to go tonight and I have nowhere else to go," her voice cracked.

Immediately, he understood.

"Is sushi ok?" He held up the bag of take-out.

"Um, yes."

"Good." He walked away from her and pulled out keys from his pocket. "I always get way too much food."

* * *

"I wouldn't have pegged you as a math teacher," Olivia thought out loud, eyes bright with wonder.

They were sitting on the floor around Fitz's coffee table; which was covered with an extensive mix of sushi and sashimi, dumplings and tempura. He wasn't lying when he said he got way too much food. He must've ordered half of the menu.

"Why? Is it because I'm not an old dude with a bald spot and glasses?" He teased.

"Yes! All my math teachers were grandpas."

It had only taken Liv a few minutes to warm up to Fitz. There was something about him that made her feel comfortable.

"Didn't your parents teach you not to judge a book by its cover?"

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes. "Everyone does it."

"Well for your information I'm a math prodigy." Fitz boasted.

Liv stared at him with a straight face. "Okay, back to reality. Where do you work?"

"Harlem Dream Academy," Fitz replied, eyes focused on the dumplings on his plate.

The piece of sushi grazed Olivia's lips before it fell back onto her plate. "Shit! You are a prodigy!"

Fitz shrugged. "I told you." He was used to people's disbelief.

"Aren't those kids like geniuses?"

"We call them gifted but yes. They're highly intelligent. It's harder to get into HDA than most private schools in the city. Every year, there are a handful of desperate parents who try to bribe the headmaster and the admission committee, when their kids fail the entrance exam."

"Wow…"

"Proud to say those applications are still denied. All the students at HDA belong there." He smiled, thinking of the daily interactions he has with the students.

"You really love teaching."

"I love teaching _these_ children. The best minds from all five boroughs. I have children from low-income homes, learning side by side with trust fund kids. In those four walls, they're the same. It's beautiful. It's the American dream."

Olivia watched how his eyes light up with passion. He truly cared about his work. It was admirable to see. She could relate. It's how she felt about nursing.

"Soo..." She exhaled. "What's 15% of 300?" She couldn't help herself.

"45." He responded without missing a beat. "That's not even hard." He was also used to people testing his mathematical intelligence.

"What's the square root of 777?"

Fitz contemplated for a moment, seeing the equation form in his head. "27.874719… want me to continue?"

"If train A leaves the station…"

"Stop."

"You're the real deal! How did you end up teaching middle school?"

"My best friend Harrison got me the gig while I finishing up my doctoral degree. It started out as a part-time position, covering someone's maternity leave, but once she decided to stay at home full-time I was offered the position. That was four years ago this May. How about you? Why nursing? Why pediatrics?"

She thought for a moment, smiling at the memories. "When I was a kid, I had really bad asthma and I was constantly in the emergency room. There was always this sweet nurse, Ms. Minnie, that made my time there so much better. She was the only person I'd let stick me. Her hands were like magic. I always admired her and when the time came to pick a major nursing just seemed like the obvious choice."

"That's sweet. You sure made my visit to the ER better."

"How is your head?"

"Fine." He waved away her concern.

"Any headaches, nausea, dizziness or vomiting?"

"Nope."

"Memory loss, sleepiness"

"I feel perfectly fine."

"Good. I'm surprised that kid didn't give you a concussion."

"That's what I get for volunteering to coach. I have no idea what I'm doing."

That night they talked until dawn and it became their routine. She would show up at his door and talk about everything and anything. Although, he noticed she was always careful about revealing too much from her personal life.

"Are you married?" He asked once, he had paused the movie they had been watching.

"What? Where did that come from?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just wondering if I should be nervous about a man showing up at my door."

"Not married." She turned her eyes back to the screen before them. "No one but me is going to show up at your door."

* * *

"Let's do shots!" Liv exclaimed on a rainy Sunday evening. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were about to make their way back to Hogwarts for the final battle when the idea popped into her head.

Fitz snorted, shaking his head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Earlier that day, Liv had shown up at his door, drenched from head to toe, in one hand was a bag of Thai take-out and in the other the final two Harry Potter movies. She had been on her way to his house when she was caught in the middle of the spring shower. After Fitz had gotten a good laugh at her expense, he brought her inside and gave her some of his clothes to change into while hers dried. Fitz wasn't a Harry Potter fan but he didn't protest. He was just happy to be in her presence.

She rose to her knees, leaning forward towards him. "Come on. Please." She begged, with a pouted lip.

There was no way he could say no to her when she looked at him like that.

Three shots of rum later, she was hot and pulling off Fitz's sweater, exposing the tank she wore underneath. Fitz tensed at the sight on the swell of her breast. He'd been trying painfully hard to keep himself in the friend zone with Olivia. He forced his eyes to stay on the flat screen in front of them, even when Liv pressed herself closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder. Friend, he thought, just a friend.

"Fitz," Liv whispered as Harry and Voldemort aimed their wands at each other.

"Hmm,"

"Kiss me."

His eyes widened. He must've heard her wrong.

"Kiss me." She repeated. He faced her and her eyes were on fire, defying him.

He wanted to. So badly. "Liv we shouldn't."

"Shh." She silenced him with a finger to his lips.

He watched, slightly bewitched as she crawled onto his lap, straddling him. Fitz hands, frozen in shock, stayed at his sides. He was scared if he touched her it would all turn out to be a dream. It wouldn't be the first time it happened to him. Her mouth curved into a smile, and her arms found their way around his neck, fingers up into his hair. No words were spoken as Liv studied his face up-close. Hogwarts, in the background, being invaded by Death Eaters.

Olivia had been trying to stay away from him. She'd been trying to stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about how handsome he was, how he took care of her, how his whole face lit up when he saw her. How he made her feel at peace. She had forgotten what that felt like. She thought maybe he could make her feel happy, too. She was a monster. She was selfish. She was going to suck him dry but she was tired of staying away.

His hands snapped to her hips, mouth falling open when she rocked against his erection. "Shit." His dick throbbed in his pants begging to be freed and be allowed into Liv's wet folds. He's so entrenched in her movements that he's surprised when she kisses him.

Liv leaned in and kissed his warm lips. It's fast and rushed. They pulled apart and took shaky, shallow breaths. They stared into each other's eyes. They're full of lust and desire. Unable to contain themselves anymore, Fitz held Liv's head in his hands and pulled her into a fiery and passionate kiss.

Olivia is reaching for the hem of his shirt, ready to have sex with him right there on the floor of his living room. Fitz gripped her hands, stopping her.

"Wait. Not like this."

She understood and retreated from his lap. She reached out her hand for his and wordlessly, he followed her into his bedroom. She's standing before him, throwing his tee over her shoulder, and snapping her black lacy bra off. His mouth waters at the sight of her naked body. She was… so beautiful. Her tanned skin seemed to glow under the evening light.

"Make me feel good." She said, placing his hands on her body.

He gulped. "Are you sure? This isn't the alcohol talking?"

"I'm sure." She nodded. "You're my safe space. I want to do this."

 _Finally_ , Liv thought, sighing as his hands touched her everywhere.

 _It was the first time I felt like I could breathe_ , she would tell Katie the following week. Her face would heat up remembering how he kissed her as if he desired to consume all of her. How he held both of her arms above her, against the wall, stretching her body before him. She'd remembered how the dresser tapped to the rhythm of their thrusts and the unfamiliar tightness in her abdomen, that expanded and stretched until it washed all over her, knocking her over. Her orgasm catching her by surprise leaving her breathless, head falling against his shoulder biting him there.

Fitz was lost in the feel of her body, too. Salivating at the scent of her. She felt so good. They felt so good together and when her orgasm left her shaking and whimpering in his arms, he almost comes but he isn't done. He's been waiting a long time for this. He's been thinking about fucking her for weeks: in his bed, in his shower, on the kitchen counter. There are so many things he wants to do to her body and he's just getting started.

He lifted her into his arms and carried her over to his bed.

"On your stomach pretty girl." He commanded with a slap on her ass.

Olivia obeyed because, holy shit, she wanted to feel that again. She'd do whatever he wanted as long as he made her come. She buried her face in the pillow, her hands grabbing the sheets into tight fists when he slid back into her. She could hear him groan as she squeezed him. None of her previous partners had been as big as Fitz. None of them could do to her body what he did. She had no idea it could feel like this. It's pure ecstasy.

Liv's amused at the slur of curses that leave Fitz's lips as he comes. Content and spent, they collapsed onto the bed. Before she could move Fitz is running his hands over her legs and arms, bringing her closer to him. He's looking at her like he can't believe she's there with him and he starts to kiss her. She's the first to pull away so they can breathe.

Liv is the first to speak. "If I would've known you could do that, I would have given you my number back at the hospital."

He chuckled against her lips. "Guess I don't have to ask if it was as good for you as it was for me."

"Good? Fitz, we're doing that all night long."

 **AN: So they did it! Bow chica wow wow! *grinds hips* hahaha. The first part of this chapter is my favorite thing I've written in a while. I've read it over a few times just for the heck of it and it makes me so happy! Onto important notes, I have this story mapped out to 13 chapters. Tell me your guesses on Olivia's backstory. When will Fitz meet her kids? I'm excited to hear your ideas.**


	8. Need

**Her**

" _Oh I lose control, can't seem to get enough_ _  
_ _When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love"_

 _How Will I Know,_ Sam Smith

Liv wakes up before him, like always. She can easily function on five hours of sleep after years of being a mother and working in the emergency room.

The first moments she opens her eyes are always the same, like a scene plucked from a film that plays on a loop. The warmth from the proximity of his body, the serenity of knowing she's safe in his arms and sprinkles of happiness at the knowledge that she has yet to ruin him.

Yet.

Because it'll surely happen. And that's when the realization she is a fraud grips her at the throat. Fear chokes the air out of her lungs.

Before she can lose it. Before the panic seizes her mind. Before the fears spill out into tears, she turns over.

His arm lays low on her waist. His chest steadily rising and falling with each breath. His mouth slightly agape. His features relaxed. His hair messy from sleep.

She joked once that he'd benefit from a silk bonnet. The look of sheer confusion left her in a fit of giggles and that night they spent it on YouTube watching natural hair tutorials. He watched each one so intently; pausing them, only when he had a question.

She moves a hand through his hair, twirling the ends with her fingers. She glides a finger down the center of his nose; over his bicep and arm; slipping across his stomach, stopping for a moment to feel it contract at her touch; her nails trace the V that leads into his pants.

In his sleep, Fitz grunts with pleasure at the feel of her hand stroking his dick.

Dawn is breaking when he blinks his eyes open.

She calls his name.

The rays cast a streak of light over them.

She whispers to him. They're the same words. Every single time.

"I need you."

* * *

Abby answers the door with a toddler on her hip. Her eyes trail Olivia from top to bottom, noting the wrinkled dress she is currently wearing. She shakes her head before throwing it over her shoulder, "Leo, call off the search. She's alive," she calls out to her husband.

"Shut up and give me my baby," Liv scoffs, reaching for the curly hair girl that's jumping excitedly. "Hi, Zozo. Did you miss Mommy?" She coos, hugging Zoey close to her chest and planting kisses on Zoey's face.

Chubby hands grip Liv's on either side of her face returning the sentiment. "Hi... Mommy... Hi."

"You have perfect timing. She was getting antsy. See Zoey, I told you Mommy would be back soon." Abby smiles.

"Back. Back. Mommy, back." Everything had become a song for Zoey lately. It was funny and cute until it was all you heard for an entire day.

"Aw, Mommy will always come back for you. Were you good for Abby?"

Zoey nods, showing all her teeth in a smile. "Ah-bee. Yes!"

"And here I was hoping you would keep her up half the night," Liv jokes, tickling Zoey's tummy and making her giggle.

Abby's hands immediately go to her hip. "This is how you treat a dear friend that watches your kids, for free I might add, so you can get dicked down?"

Shock colors Liv's face. "Abby! Can we not talk about that with my daughter in the room?"

"She's one. She doesn't understand what's going on." Abby shrugs, turning to walk into the apartment.

Olivia follows closing the door behind her. She rolls her eyes at her friend's complete lack of filter. She didn't even want to think about what slipped out of her mouth when she wasn't around.

"She's eighteen months, and you know she's a parrot right now. I don't need to explain to Mari why Zoey is talking about _that_."

"Fine." Abby throws her hands up in surrender. "Since I'm watching your kids while you..."

Liv's eyes cut her.

She coughs. "Umm, you know. When do we get to meet this guy?"

"You're not going to meet him."

"Why not?" Abby whines.

"It's not like that." Liv's attention goes to Zoey, who's standing between her legs, playing with the bracelets on Liv's wrist.

She's does not want to talk about this.

Liv's been avoiding this conversation from the moment she asked Abby to babysit while Marisol was out of the country, a month ago. She doesn't want to feel judged. She already carries enough on her shoulders.

Momentarily, Liv distracts herself with her daughter's hair **,** pulling it into a pigtail or at least attempting to do so.

"No. No touch." Zoey shakes her head complaining. The little girl wears her crown of wild curls with pride. She refuses to let anyone do anything to her hair.

"It's not like what?" Abby asks folding her arms. "You've been seeing this guy for a year. You spent a night over at his house just this week. Last week, it was two. The week before..."

Olivia got defensive, feeling just as attacked as when Katie brings up this subject. "If you don't want to watch the kids, it's fine."

"Shut up." Abby snapped. "You know, I love having them over. They soothe Leo's baby feels. So don't even go there."

"Ok. Where is Leo by the way?" She looks around the empty apartment. "Where's..."

"Oh no. Don't think about changing the topic. They're playing some computer game. Now tell me about this man that has you lying and sneaking around like a teenager."

Shit, Abby was not going to let this go.

"I don't want to do this. Talking about him makes it real. Makes me think it's something that it's not." Olivia confessed.

"What is it then? What has it been for a year, Liv?"

In her arms, Zoey settles her head against Liv's chest, one hand griping Liv's pinky, a clear sign that she's ready for a nap. "Purely physical."

"You're a terrible liar. Purely physical." Abby mocks, her voice too high to be Liv's. "You couldn't even look me in the eyes and say that."

"It's complicated. I met him at a very low moment in my life. He was a distraction and now he's..."

"What?" She pushed.

"Everything."

"Whoa."

"I don't know when it became more than sex. All I know is that he's in my head all the time."

"Liv, this is good."

"No," she shakes her head, voice breaking. "Things were simple. I showed up at his door, we had sex and we both went on with our lives. I don't know when it started to change."

"Well, he can be the new start you were looking for when you moved back."

"Abby, I wouldn't even know where to start. He doesn't know much about my life. I'm too scared that he'll break things off to tell him. It's been a year. I can't just be like, 'hey, I have two kids and I'm a crazy mess, who needs to see a therapist every week.'"

"Shit, girl. I wouldn't tell him all of that. Do you want my advice?"

"Yes. No. I mean, yes."

"Bitch, can you make up your mind?"

"Yes, please."

"I would start with a date. You remember what that is, right?" Olivia just stares clearly irritated. "Get to know each other away from the physical appeal. He'll probably be hurt but if he knows everything, and he's a good guy, he won't run."

"Then what? Am I supposed to have a relationship?"

"Yes, that's what normal people do when they like each other."

"And when it ends? What am I suppose to do? Go back to being a lonely single mother?"

"Who says it'll end?"

"I'm not you, Abby. The men I meet aren't like Leo. They don't sweep me off my feet, put a diamond on my finger and move me into their penthouse."

"Hey, fuck you. Leo isn't Prince Charming and our life is not a fairy tale. We've been together for over ten years working not only on our relationship but also on each other. Everyone is not _him_ , Olivia. Everyone is not out to hurt you. Leave him in the past."

Liv lets her words sink in for a few minutes. She pulls a sleeping Zoey closer to her chest for comfort. Deep down, she knows Abby was right. It was about time she changed her story. She wasn't the dumb girl that had gotten her life completely flipped upside down because of the lies of a man.

The women sit silently giving each other a moment to calm down. Olivia is the first to speak, "Katie says, only I have the power to change my life. That and I'm using sex to fill a void."

Abby nods quietly but Liv knows her well enough to know there's an inappropriate comment burning on her lips. "Go ahead." She says, preparing herself.

"And how does he fill this void?" She gestures with her hands, eye big with mischief.

Olivia guffaws. She double checks that Zoey is asleep before replying, "so fucking well."

Abby squeaks, causing the toddler to jolt in her sleep but luckily she doesn't wake. "I knew it! Tell me everything. What does he look like? How big is it? Got any pictures?"

"No, I don't have pictures of his dick." She whispers the last word.

"Oh boo. I have like five of Leo on my phone at any given time."

"Eww. I'm not a freak like you. I have children. How would I explain that?"

"Oh, right. But answer the question, woman!"

"He's tall, like two feet taller than me. Regular built, not too athletic but he's strong enough to pick me up and press me up against the wall."

"Shiiiiiiittttt."

"Grey blue eyes, crazy soft hair, big rough hands. Ugh, his hands."

"You're a bitch for not having pictures of him by the way."

"When would I take a picture of him?"

"All you have to do is wait for him to fall asleep, move the sheet out of the way and snap a few pics."

"Abigail, you're a married woman."

"Hey, my husband understands I'm a freak. I will not be shamed."

"I'm sure Leo is more than ok."

"Anyways… this is not about me. What's your guy's name?"

"Fitz."

"Um, what is he?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know you're type. You're an island girl."

"No, Fitz's isn't… He's white."

Abby's mouth fell open.

"What? I've dated white men before."

"Like once."

"Fitz is different. I didn't set out on a quest to find a white man. We met, we were attracted to one other and our chemistry grew until the only way we wanted to be around each other was naked."

"Wow."

"Yea, he's the only man that's made me orgasm."

"Bitch, you got two kids! You're telling me all that time…?"

"Nope. Sex was never about me."

"Shit, I would have died." Abby caught herself. "Sorry."

Liv waved her off. "I'd wait until he fell asleep and go into the guest bedroom with my loyal friend, Purple. Hell, two fingers in the shower worked better than him."

"No wonder you've been riding that dick until dawn. You have a lot of making up to do."

"Yeah, he's like..." She shivers thinking about his body on hers. "Don't get me wrong. We do more than just have sex. I mean the sex is mind-blowing but he's really smart and funny. Terrible cook... What?"

"You're so sprung. You have the goofiest smile on your face right now."

"I do not."

"You do! And Liv, you deserve happiness. I don't want you to let fear stop you from making this into something real. I know you don't want to lose him, lose this... but you have to take a leap of faith."

Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. "I'm trying but I'm terrified of being completely vulnerable. I really like him. Maybe I love him, I don't even know anymore but if he breaks my heart… I don't know if I have more fight left in me."

* * *

O: Hi.

F: New phone, who dis?

O: Fuck you.

F: Yes, please. I'll send an uber.

O: Bahaha. You know I can't!

F: Right. Is the husband around?

O: No husband, just you.

F: So you say...

O: If you're gonna pick a fight, I'll go to bed.

O: Goodnight.

F: Wait. I'm sorry.

F: Liv please. It's been a horrible day. Talking to you makes it better.

O: Tell me what happened.

F: Got conned into hosting the school dance.

O: Conned? How Sway?

F: Remember Peter?

O: The smart kid that does stupid things? What he do now?

F: That's the one. His family was about to get evicted so he started a side hustle.

O: Shit. Drugs?

F: Thankfully, he's not that stupid. He's been writing papers and letting kids cheat off of him for a fee.

O: Omg. Isn't he on a scholarship? He could get expelled.

F: Yes and guess what?

F: The fucking Lit teacher caught him exchanging a book report for money. Lucky for him, I'm his homeroom teacher so she came to me before going to the principal. I made a deal with her. I'll do the stupid dance and she'll just fail him in her class.

O: And she agreed to that?

F: She really wants me to do this fucking dance.

O: …

F: We've kissed before.

O: Oh.

F: Before we started sleeping together.

O: Ok.

F: Yea, she thinks if we spend more time together I'll want to date her.

F: I don't btw.

O: Good to know.

O: I'm sorry. I know how much you hate those dances.

F: Eh, I'll survive. That's not even the worst part.

F: After having a long talk with his mother, watching her slap the shit out of him and forcing her to take a check, I leave their apartment feeling like a hero.

O: Fitz, that's so sweet of you.

F: Oh but wait for it. When I get to my car I realize someone smashed the passenger side of my car. Fucked up my ride and didn't leave a note.

F: I'm fucking three thousand dollars in the hole right now.

O: Oh baby, you have every right to be in a terrible mood.

F: The universe was like fuck you, Fitz.

O: You need me to lend you something?

F: What?

F: Absolutely not, Olivia.

O: Seriously, I have some savings. It's no bother.

F: I'm good. I just want you in my bed.

O: Two days. Be patient.

F: No, fucking you is the only things that'd make me feel better.

O: Two. Days.

F: I don't want to wait. I want my head between your legs.

O: UGH! You don't play fair.

F: I got that shitty hard cider you drink. I'd have you coming while West Garden makes our dinner.

O: So romantic. You know the way into my pants.

O: Keep your bribes tho.

F: Fine. Send nudes.

O: Nope! We talked about this.

F: I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

O: You're funny. Go take a cold shower.

F: I don't remember talking about this. I can't believe this is the same woman that woke me up to fuck this morning.

O: We did! And that was in the privacy of your bedroom. Nudes always have a way of ending up on the Internet.

F: Liv, I would never.

O: I believe that. My trust issues on the other hand...

F: Hey, what we have is between us. I respect you too much to ever do something like that.

O: Are you sure you're not trying to convince me so I can send a pic of my breasts?

F: Now who's not playing fair? You know I love Beyoncé and Solange.

O: Fucking hate you. Stop calling them that.

F: They're my best friends. I can call them whatever I want.

O: Well, your BFFs and I will be having fun on our own tonight. GN.

F: Fucking tease.

O: And you love it.


End file.
